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A Millennial’s Commitment to the Body of Christ

5 Lessons from a Youth Pastor on Racism and Sexism

Mutual Submission in Disney’s “Tangled”

Editor’s Note: This is the Commentary Grand Prize Winner from CBE’s 2025 Writing Competition. Enjoy!

When my friend invited me to join her to discuss the Disney film Tangled on her podcast, Finding Faith in Fandoms, my husband had one request: “You need to talk about how the lacrosse bros^[1] in my dorm were obsessed with that movie.” Neither of us knew how Disney’s retelling of the Brothers Grimm fairytale Rapunzel became a blockbuster hit among male students at our Christian college. However, as I rewatched the film in preparation for the podcast, I realized why Tangled is an excellent example for Christian young men and women, especially if they hope for a Christ-centered marriage in the future. The central couple is a wonderful example of mutual partnership, and one of the best illustrations I have found for mutual submission as described by the apostle Paul in Ephesians 5:21–33 in today’s media.

Partners from the Start

Rapunzel’s relationship with Flynn Rider, the dashing thief who breaks into her tower, begins as a decidedly unromantic working partnership. Rapunzel never asks Flynn to rescue her. She recognizes that he has skills and experience she will need to achieve her dream of participating in the kingdom’s lantern festival, so she makes a deal to work together with him. And as Rapunzel and Flynn journey toward the kingdom, her skills and unique abilities save him as many times as he saves her.

The idea of a couple working as equal partners is as old as creation itself. In Genesis 2:18, “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” The Hebrew word ezer, which most English Bibles translate as “helper,” means a partner of equal or greater strength, without whom it would be impossible to succeed. Outside of the creation story, ezer is used to describe God as the one who gives Israel the strength to accomplish what they never could on their own. According to Genesis, this is the kind of help that husbands and wives were created to give one another, joining forces to accomplish what neither could do alone.

Breaking Down Walls, Building Trust

Prior to meeting each other, neither Rapunzel nor Flynn had much experience with mutual trust and respect in relationships. Rapunzel has spent her life imprisoned by her kidnapper, Gothel, whose only interest in Rapunzel stems from wanting to use the healing properties of Rapunzel’s hair to keep herself eternally young and beautiful. From a very early age, Rapunzel has been taught that her role is to stay at home and to serve and care for “her mother,” Gothel. Any attempt to express her own desires is met with gaslight and questioning of her capabilities. “Trust me!” Rapunzel begs, only for Gothel to forcefully declare, “You are not leaving this tower! Ever!”^[2] Yet in spite of this, Rapunzel still feels compelled to venture beyond the limits Gothel has set to experience the life she knows is waiting for her.

Flynn, on the other hand, has been living in relative freedom, but he is just as isolated. As a thief, he has learned that the only way to survive is to betray others before they have the chance to betray him. “After everything we’ve been through together, you still don’t trust me?” he asks his partners in crime, only to immediately double-cross them.^[3] Flynn Rider turns out to be an alternate identity he has built to protect himself from a world waiting to exploit any weakness.

As Rapunzel and Flynn travel together, they learn to let each other see the parts of themselves their previous relationships forced them to hide. Despite being told that men will try to take advantage of her power, Rapunzel uses her hair to rescue and heal Flynn. He responds with curiosity and asks about her plans for the future, something she has never been allowed to consider. Flynn in turn tells Rapunzel his true name, Eugene Fitzherbert, and opens up to her about his childhood poverty. She responds not with judgment, as he feared, but rather with affirmation of his true identity. She says, “For the record, I like Eugene Fitzherbert a lot better than Flynn Rider.”^[4] Once they learn they can trust one another, the defenses they have built to protect themselves from being truly seen and known are no longer needed.

Despite trust being vital to a lifelong partnership, several aspects of Christian culture discourage men and women from trusting one another. Like Rapunzel, many women in the church are brought up with fearful warnings to guard their bodies from men who will try to take advantage of them. And like Eugene, many men are taught from a young age that manhood means self-sufficiency: to rely on anyone, especially a woman, is considered shameful. So many of us, regardless of our gender, receive the message from a very young age that vulnerability is a direct path to being hurt.

But God had more in mind for women and men when Eve was created as Adam’s ezer. After the two meet for the first time in Genesis 2, verse 25 says, “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Eve and Adam were presented to one another in a state of complete vulnerability, with no reason to hide from one another, no fear that the other might try to hurt them. God never intended for women to live in fear of men, or for men to be ashamed of relying on women. During his life on Earth, Jesus regularly broke from cultural patterns by engaging with women as social equals and relying on them for support. Although Jesus never married, his interactions with women in the gospels show how God intended men and women to live and work together, free from fear.

“And gave himself up for her…”

Paul’s instructions in Ephesians 5:22–25 can be troubling to Christian women who have heard many sermons emphasizing the first half—“Wives, submit to your own husbands as you do to the Lord…”^[5]—without giving equal attention to the second half—“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”^[6] Women are expected to behave the way Gothel wants Rapunzel to behave in the tower: to give up their own desires and “submit” to whatever the authority figures in their lives decide is right. But this is not what God desires from Christians, or what a truly loving husband would want from his wife.

The husband who models Christlike love, according to Paul, cares for his wife’s needs as much as his own, and is willing to sacrifice his own desires, even his life, for her sake (Eph. 5:25–28). On the cross, Jesus proved that God will always seek our good, no matter the cost (Phil. 2:6–8). Because of this, we can submit ourselves to God in full confidence that the things we need and want matter to God. The wife who is loved “as Christ loved the church” can submit her desires to her husband with full confidence that he will not abuse his privilege, but will instead sacrifice his own desires for her to thrive.

The climax of Tangled shows Rapunzel and Eugene mutually submitting to one another in a dramatic way. When Eugene learns that Rapunzel has been recaptured by Gothel, he returns to the tower to rescue her, only to be fatally wounded by Gothel as soon as he enters. Rapunzel pleads with Gothel to be allowed to save Eugene, offering to become Gothel’s prisoner in exchange for his life. Gothel reluctantly consents, but when Rapunzel tries to heal Eugene, he cuts off her hair—the source of her power—freeing her from Gothel’s control, even though it means she can no longer save him. Rather than see his beloved condemned to a life of enslavement, Eugene sacrifices his own life for her freedom.^[7]

And in a truly gospel-like turn of events, the story does not end in death. The mysterious power that granted Rapunzel her magic hair is not done working yet. As her tears fall on Eugene’s dead body, the room is suddenly filled with golden light, in a greater display of power than Rapunzel could have managed on her own, and Eugene is miraculously restored to life!^[8] This is a fairytale, after all. But it is also a reminder, for Christians, that the power to heal and save one another ultimately does not lie with us. We are called to submit ourselves first and foremost to God, to place our partners’ needs and our own in God’s hands, trusting that the one who laid down his life for us will make a way for us both to flourish together and achieve what neither of us could accomplish alone.

Notes

^[1] “Lacrosse bros” are young male players of lacrosse, a contact sport similar to football. They take pride in their athleticism and traditional masculinity.

^[2] Tangled, directed by Nathan Greno and Byron Howard (2010; Walt Disney Studios).

^[3] Ibid.

^[4] Ibid.

^[5] Ephesians 5:22.

^[6] Ephesians 5:25.

^[7] Tangled, directed by Nathan Grenao and Byron Howard (2010; Walt Disney Studios).

^[8] Ibid.

Photo by TBD Tuyên.