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A Millennial’s Commitment to the Body of Christ

5 Lessons from a Youth Pastor on Racism and Sexism

Condescending Complementarianism: The Power of Words, Recognition, and Titles

In one of my seminary classes, a discussion arose regarding the qualifications for elders—specifically whether he must be married. (That an elder had to be male was taken for granted.) One student, considering the potential benefits of married church leaders, noted that this arrangement would include women because the elders should listen to their wives and take their opinions before the elder board. This idea seemed to come from a genuine concern for women’s views but, as with so many complementarian propositions, it is ultimately condescending.

Relying on men to transmit their wives’ views to an elder board acknowledges the voices of women but denies them access to the same spaces and opportunities as men. A man should indeed be willing to advocate for his wife, but that is unfortunately not always the case. Even when an elder does sincerely seek to include his wife’s input in board discussions, there are important differences between being a full member of a team and relying on an intermediary, however sincere, to relate one’s perspective indirectly. Moreover, this approach excludes unmarried women (and unmarried men, for that matter!)

The student’s suggestion purports to honor women, and may stem from a sincere intent, but nevertheless implies that a woman’s voice carries less weight than a man’s. This strategy does, on some level, include women, but not in a comparable way as it does men. In other words, it depicts men as essential to the decision-making process, while women are relegated to the role of supplying advice through mediators (their husbands), with no official say in the discussion. These workarounds ultimately prove condescending, as they grant women’s perspectives less weight than men’s. They reflect a superior attitude and set men in a superior position relative to women.

The Power of Words

Complementarian attempts to create space for women while maintaining gender hierarchy cannot help but send the message, however subtly, that female voices are valued less than men’s. Sometimes they take the form of (seemingly) minor word changes. One of the best examples is calling a woman’s preaching a “message” while calling a man’s a “sermon.” Characteristics which in a man might be called “pastoral” may be deemed “hospitable” in a woman. Similarly, a woman who fulfills any number of pastoral duties might well lack the title. Terms like “message” and “hospitable” are by no means bad, but to use different terms when women do the same tasks or exhibit the same characteristics as men implies their contributions are less valuable, or at least worthy of less recognition. Complementarians may mean well and have a genuine desire to acknowledge the contributions of women. So long as their views, however, restrict ministry tasks on the basis of sex, they are communicating that women have less to bring to the table than men.

When women are denied certain titles though they do the same work, that is condescending. When lip service is paid to women’s contributions, but they are still blocked off from leadership roles, that is condescending. However hard a woman works and however gifted she may be, certain doors remain closed. I remember one woman who ministered for years at a church I once attended. She counseled and discipled people, led ministries, taught classes, preached (!), and more. But she was never called a pastor. This simple omission made her feel that her service was less appreciated and taken less seriously than comparable service done by men.

The Power of Recognition

When I see a promising young man invited to preach, I am, of course, glad to see the church recognizing and supporting young leaders. Nevertheless, I confess I cannot help but feel a twinge of resentment knowing that will never happen for someone like me, at least in complementarian communities. Limiting such support to one half of the body of Christ is reductionistic and, once again, condescending. It implies women’s voices should not be heard or, at least, should be relegated to more limited contexts like women’s and children’s ministries. Serving children and women is a vital area meriting well-trained, committed leaders. Women who are called and equipped to such ministries should be encouraged to do them. But to limit women’s teaching opportunities to women and children, while allowing men to teach any demographic, conveys that women’s contributions are less valuable and prevents adult learners from hearing diverse perspectives. Or perhaps, as the classmate mentioned at the beginning of this article said, a woman’s voice in the public ministry should be filtered through her husband. In this way a female perspective is, at best, heard indirectly.

Unequal recognition of women’s gifts, especially in the realm of teaching, discourages me as a seminary student. Sometimes I even question my vocational choices, wondering why I ended up taking one of the few paths where the place of women remains hotly contested. Where else today is a woman not only discouraged from following her calling but warned she is rejecting God’s design for humanity?

Many complementarians assure us they uphold the equal dignity and value of women; they just think women need to submit to male authority in the home and church. But trying to walk this tightrope of upholding women’s equality while calling for women’s unilateral submission does not work. Even when one does not point to a particular perceived female inadequacy, the call for submission and restricted ministry roles necessarily implies something inferior about women’s abilities. So, while the argument may appear fair and reasonable on the surface, the implication that women are somehow less capable remains.

The Power of Titles

Once again, the pastorate offers a good example. When women are perpetually denied the title of “pastor”—however hard they work, however faithfully they shepherd their community, however skilled their teaching—it conveys that a woman’s ministry can never be as significant as a man’s. One might object that we should not be concerned about titles, and indeed, one should never enter a ministry role with the intent to gain personal honor. But that is not the point. Surely if a church refused to call a person “pastor” because of ethnic background or national origin, we would strongly object! Only women are told they should not be concerned about titles. Yes, we should be humble. But refusing to recognize female pastors is not merely a matter of labels. How we apply the title makes a statement about the way we view women.

Complementarians argue female pastors are inconsistent with the Bible. But the role of the pastor as we understand it today does not have a direct parallel in the New Testament. Women taught and shepherded within the earliest Christian communities (Acts 18; Rom. 16; Col. 4:15). So, the key question regarding female pastors is simply: Are women full partners for the cause of the gospel, or not? When we refuse to give women of equal abilities access to the same positions of authority as men, many women are left thinking their ministry matters less than men’s, or even that they themselves might matter less to God. Both women and men miss out on a rich array of different perspectives when female voices are discounted from leadership and teaching. In one way or another, complementarianism is condescending to (at least!) half the church.

A Way Forward

A condescending attitude toward women, however subtle, wreaks havoc in the church. But there is another way—one that benefits the whole church. We can, in accordance with the Bible, view our sisters and brothers as full partners in making disciples of all nations. We can honor women by recognizing and nurturing their gifts. We can be consistent in how we describe people’s skills and actions. Call a sermon a sermon. Take note of women with interest in and aptitude for teaching. Encourage them and create opportunities for them to exercise their gifts—and allow the entire congregation to benefit from them. From Old Testament heroes like Deborah and Esther to the women who first heralded the resurrection, to the medieval women who devoted themselves to prayer and serving the poor, to the women around the world today bravely proclaiming the gospel to their communities—often at great cost—God is working in the world through all his children. Let us not stand in the way.