This article is a satirical critique of culture intended to point out the injustice and inequality experienced by Lebanese women.
Recently, I’ve been hearing a lot of Lebanese men complaining about their place in society and the home. They keep saying that our society is sexist—an unfair and untrue accusation. There is complete gender equality in Lebanon. It’s just that men are more suited to some jobs than women are. Lebanese men should assume their natural role for the benefit of society.
Although men’s status in society is different, it is both equal and appropriate. Both men and women are citizens and can vote. However, only mothers can give their children citizenship, because they are the ones that give birth to the children and nurse them. Children are more attached to their mothers and will speak their “mother tongue.” We wouldn’t want Lebanese men to give citizenship to children of foreign mothers who would be disloyal. Of course, when the national anthem says, “the plains and the mountains are for the women,” it’s understood that it means everyone.
Because children carry the family name of the mother, the father will logically need the mother’s permission to travel with the child. Formal invitations are addressed to women, because they are the heads of their households. The men’s names don’t need to be mentioned, because their honor comes from their wives. There are more women in parliament, because they are less likely to start wars and are better speakers. In countries where men have taken power, there has been a history of violence and corruption. There are more female judges, because they are less likely than men to make irrational decisions. After all, we have all seen men do foolish things when they lose their temper. It is well-known that women are better listeners as well as better speakers.
Any apparent inequality in public society is more than compensated for by men’s important role in the home. Men are stronger than women, so they are better at housework that requires more muscle. Women are better-suited to office work which is less physically demanding. This means it is only natural for the man to give up his career for the noble task of childrearing. After all, the woman has already taken care of the child for nine months—it is the father’s turn.
The father also needs to be home to protect the family. Since the wife is earning the income for the family, the husband should show her respect by upholding the honor of the family which carries her name. Therefore, men should not leave the house alone at night and should not stay out too late. Some men don’t understand this and are disloyal, selfishly preferring their freedom to the family’s honor. No wonder some women are provoked into punishing them physically. I’m not saying that this kind of violence should be encouraged, but greater submissiveness on the part of men would certainly lessen the amount of domestic violence.
There is nothing more honorable than being a Lebanese man who knows his place in society. He has the respect of the people and the love and admiration of his children—whom he will have the pleasure to see grow. He will always be provided for and praised for his sacrifice by his wife. What could be more wonderful?