My first-hour class of high school Bible students exited the room as my second-hour students retrieved their grammar books for their daily assignment. Some of the students were perplexed from their first-hour Bible class with me, wondering why we would discuss women in leadership and ministry as a topic for our Friday discussion time.
One student said, “I don’t get what the big deal is about having only men lead. Aren’t men supposed to lead and be pastors?”
As a woman who was called to ministry standing before their very eyes, having gone to seminary and received advanced degrees, I was hurt that my example didn’t outweigh the flawed theology they were being taught elsewhere. I closed my teacher’s book and proceeded to explain to my students, from my own experience, why this topic needed to be discussed not only in the classroom, but also in their churches and youth groups. It was then that my mind went back ten years to when I had a target forming on my back.
The Formation of the Target
My undergraduate education was both academically demanding and transformative. I filled my schedule with biblical studies courses, including the infamous Hebrew I and II my second year. A few weeks into my first Hebrew course, the vocabulary and grammar started clicking in my brain and I moved to the top of the class. It wasn’t long before my professor started to notice.
One morning I was waiting for class to start when the professor came in and greeted me. We began to chat; he mentioned that I was doing well and that I must be smart. I looked him straight in the eye and without any hesitation I said, “I’m not smart; I just work hard.”
I had spent half my elementary years receiving additional help at school to advance my reading ability to meet grade-level standards. I was behind academically and I knew it. As a result, I worked hard, a habit which continued as I became older.
My professor smiled and chuckled as he said, “If you are a hard worker, you should go to seminary.”
Not long after this, I could feel a target forming on my back, ring by ring, as students became aware of my affinity for learning Hebrew and working hard. Unbeknownst to me, my professor was using me as an example for other students to follow. Most students would be thrilled to serve as a good example, but for me, it only made me more noticeable for the archers who had their arrows at the ready. It was then that the quiet bullying began.
Making the Target into a Shield
Though raised as a baptist, I was never told I couldn’t be a pastor. My mother held leadership positions in the church and so did her mother before her. I was surrounded by women who taught, led, and pastored me throughout my upbringing, whether they had a title or not. However, as I began to excel in my Bible classes at college, I quickly realized I would need to take the target that had formed on my back and turn it into a shield as my peers began going out of their way to corner me with their views on women in church leadership.
On more than one occasion, I was approached by fellow students who took classes with me. They quietly bullied me behind “closed” doors: They made sure to come when no one was around, while I was in classrooms waiting for class to start, walking out of the library alone, or sitting in the cafeteria early in the morning before heading to Hebrew class. They had assured themselves I was sinning, and they needed to confront me about my sin. But what sin? I didn’t know sharing the gospel was a sin for a woman, or anyone, to do. After all, I had the examples of the woman at the well, the women at Jesus’s tomb, Phoebe, Priscilla, Junia, and countless other women throughout history: Lottie Moon, Ann Haseltine Judson, Amy Semple McPherson, Susanna Wesley, and more.
At that time, I didn’t realize I was being bullied. It wasn’t until my fiancé at the time (my now-husband and forever ally) pointed out that my peers would intentionally approach me when he wasn’t around, making sure there was no one else to hear their accusations and attacks, allowing their tongues of fire to stain the body of Christ (James 3:6) while hurling curses at one who was made in the image of God (James 3:9).
My shield was hit by arrow after arrow, but each time I stood my ground. I did not get angry or retaliate, but instead went to the college library to form my own biblical stance on women in church leadership. It was there that I found, in the stacks of old magazines, an issue of Mutuality. My world forever changed because I now had a resource that I could go to for help to form my case for the biblical basis of mutuality.
Leaving the Target Behind
It was then that I was able to let go of the target that had become my shield. When I found Mutuality, I realized there were other people that believed what I believed, that women were gifted and called by God to do any and every good work from God, including preaching the gospel. I was not alone. Regardless of what others thought about women in church leadership, I was going to do what I was called by God to do, which was to preach the gospel as every believer is called to do (Matt. 28:19–20). I was finally able to put down my shield and leave my target behind.
Looking at my own students ten years later, I explained to them that women are often called to pursue ministry and church leadership but are targeted by those who disagree and, as a result, are often quietly bullied behind closed doors. Whispers, constant attempts to convince them that they have misunderstood God’s calling, accusations of twisting the Bible or purposefully ignoring it—each attack an arrow in their backs. Consistent and ongoing discouragement, refusing to listen or work together, can crush even the strongest of souls, acting as a poison from the very people who are meant to encourage us (James 3:8).
Armed with biblical truths and an ally at my side, I was able to get through it. But there are women all around the world who are being silenced, bullied, and targeted for pursuing their calling, some without allies or resources to help them forge ahead. We, as the church, need to have discussions about women pursuing their callings and holding positions of leadership in the home, church, and world. We need to do this so that women who preach and teach on a Sunday morning are no longer stigmatized and bullied but instead are allowed to flourish as God’s image-bearers. We all need to leave the targets behind—both those who have them on their backs and those who have their arrows at the ready. Our tongues must not hurl curses as arrows, but instead should bring forth blessing after blessing from God (James 3:10). We need to do this so the church can move forward together in supporting both women and men called by God to do vocational ministry and beyond.