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Published Date: April 19, 2017

Published Date: April 19, 2017

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55 Things Only Christian Women Hear

Last night, Sarah Bessey (we’re fans!) began a conversation about the strange, sexist, abusive, and toxic things Christian women are told on a regular basis. We’ve been leaning into the conversation and doing our best to keep a record of the profound and heartbreaking stories women and male allies are sharing. We’ve collected some of the most powerful tweets so far in a list, and we’re inviting our audience to follow the ongoing conversation happening on Twitter under #ThingsOnlyChristianWomenHear.

If you have a relevant story or experience, please join the conversation yourself or share in the comments below.

1. “You can teach the women and children, you just can’t teach the men.” –Charlie Grantham

2. “You are an amazing leader! You’d make an excellent pastor’s wife someday!” –Sarah Bessey

3. “Women are too emotional to be leaders and pastors. It would never work.” –Jesse Harp

4. “Yeah, but who gets to make the final call in your marriage?” –Sarah Bessey

5. “OK, you can teach this, but there has to be a male leader in the room when you do. We’ll send someone.” –Sandy

6. “Women can write theology books but not teach theology.” –Scott Lencke

7. “You will be able to preach, but we will let the congregation know the elders reviewed & okayed the message.”—Scott Lencke

8. “There are only a few women used as leaders in the Bible and it was an exceptional case.” –Scott Lencke

9. “Keep waiting and God will bring your Boaz to you. Ya’ll, Boaz has a horrible sense of direction.” –Joy Beth Smith

10. “She can’t lead worship because no one sings along when women are the lead singers. But backup is fine!” –Jenna DeWitt

11. “Biblical Womanhood can be defined by marriage and motherhood.” –Joy Beth Smith

12. “As a single woman, you need to find a male mentor to submit yourself to because you need a covering.” –Joy Beth Smith

13. If you’re married and choose not to have children, that’s selfish.” –Joy Beth Smith

14. “’We have female directors, they’re basically like pastors’ (except in title or authority).” –Shannon Anderson

15. “I mean you (women) have the ability to give and nurture life! Is that not enough?” –Cyndie Randall

16. “’Stop being so aggressive,’ you should wait to be ‘found.’” –Cici Adams

17. “Girl, don’t buy a house! How is your husband supposed to feel like a man if he doesn’t buy your first one?” –Tia J. Davis

18. “The highest calling of every woman is to be a wife and mother.” –Karen Gonzalez

19. “If the pastor fell into sin and raped you it was you who seduced and tempted him.” –Sierra White

20. “You and your husband are equals, but he makes the final decisions in your marriage.” –Emily Davis Williams

21. “God urged me to pray for your marriage and children this week.” –Miranda Klaver

22. “’The ultimate healing would be if you two were married’– said by the mom of my rapist.” –Tracy

23. “Your clothes can cause boys to sin.” –Amber Wingfield

24. “You speak five languages and have a doctoral degree? Children’s ministry is your calling!” –Sara Eggers

25. “I know women who have heard this ‘Do you think not doing your ‘wifely duties’ enough caused him to cheat?’” –Shaun Jex

26. I don’t see why you’d want to work at a church, even as a secretary. Why can’t you just aspire to stay home? –Beka

27. “You’re too strong honey. You’ve got to let him lead if you want a man.” –JillMarie Richardson

28. “If there is no other option for teaching or leading, then yes, a woman is better than nothing.” –Churchill

29. “Was once told that men r the “CEO” in marriage. Women can give their input, but husbands make final decisions.” –Cici Adams

30. “Dress modestly because men are too weak. Also men are in charge of you because they are spiritually superior.” –Stephanie Long

31. “You can’t be a ‘pastor’ of , but you can be a ‘director’ of it!” –Emily Lund

32. “If you stay with your abuser, you might bring him to the Lord.” –Sarah Bessey

33. “I fully respect a woman having a career, so long as it’s not leadership in church.” –Kelly

34. “You’re egalitarian? … Umm, are you still a Christian?” –V. Higgins

35. “We can’t meet for Starbucks. It might give the appearance of evil.” –JillMarie Richardson

36. “I affirm your spiritual gift of teaching!… to women and children.” –Derek Caldwell

37. “If [abuse] is not requiring her to sin but simply hurting her, I think she endures being smacked 4 a season.” –Angie Sanderson

38. “You know too much about the Bible. You will be too intimidating for a guy to marry. How will they lead you?” –Bonnie

39. “I’m all for women’s ordination but I don’t want a woman head pastor at my church. Just my preference.” –Karen Gonzalez

40. “(After a fruitful season mentoring a man) ‘Well, that was God using her in spite of her disobedience.’” –Rob Dixon

41. “Me: I noticed your preaching conference has all male headliners
Them: We have a women’s track for First Ladies” –Olivier Armstrong

42. “Going to college is pointless since you can’t have a career once u get married and have kids” –Lindsay

43. “You have tremendous leadership gifts… it’s too bad you weren’t born male.” –Bekah Evans

44. “You are looking at this from a woman’s perspective and I am seeing things from a person’s perspective.” –Abby Norman

45. “We appreciate you volunteering for years, but now that we are going to pay someone we need a man.” –Abby Norman

46. “Your period is punishment for Eve’s sin.” –Amanda Butler

47. “We don’t permit women to preach here, but you can ‘share.’” –Melody Hewko

48. “’Men will look at you and be tempted and sin.’ We say this to 12 year old girls. I was ashamed until my 20s.” –Taylor Schumann

49. “Preached at a huge church once. Intro: ‘Men, we are going to peek over the ladies shoulders & listen in while JH shares with them.’” –Jen Hatmaker

50. You’re a pastor? You mean a women’s pastor?” –Kelly Ladd Bishop

51. “We paid your male colleague more because he negotiated better for his starting salary than you.” –Mimi Haddad

52. “Maybe people will listen to you if you stop sounding so angry.” –Sarahbeth Caplin

53. “Male pastor tears up, others applaud warmth
Female pastor tears up, hears ‘Women are too emotional to lead’” –Dawn

54. “The women’s issue is not a primary issue that concerns the church.” –Mimi Haddad

55. “Now that you’ve had a baby, you’ll probably be less passionate about your ministry calling.” –Dawn