The way that women are socialized within our culture has long fascinated me. Why are women so frequently harmed by abusive men and controlling systems? What drives a person to make choices that undermine their own well-being or prioritize a group’s identity over their own autonomy and critical thinking? The success of cults and other high-control groups may initially seem like a mystery, but the reality is that these groups use specific techniques to intentionally break people down into followers. While the ideologies may vary and their intentionally curated façades may seem harmless, they share core elements to achieve and maintain control through the process of coercive persuasion.
Coercive persuasion refers to social influences that can produce significant changes in a person’s attitude and behaviour through psychological pressure and coercive tactics.1 This is different from ethical influence which can cause voluntary change free from coercion and manipulation.2 Coercive persuasion draws people in and destroys their mental safeguards and critical thinking through the use of several key tactics. While each of these tactics individually can make a person vulnerable to manipulation, integrating them into the fabric of a community creates an environment that becomes controlling and challenging to leave. Controlling communities often promise benefits like fellowship, protection, or a common goal—but these groups are masters of the bait-and-switch. Similarly, complementarian theology3 often promises dignity, flourishing, and protection for women under male leadership. In many cases, however, what it provides in practice is spiritual cover for male power and the normalization of male control over women. It can present control as protection, promising that women will be kept safe if they submit to a system of sanctified male control. But a system that doesn’t value someone’s full, equal personhood and agency will never keep them safe. This article will examine the tactics used by high-control groups and show how complementarian theology often employs these same principles (intentionally or unintentionally) to maintain male dominance.
Diminishing and Devaluing Personhood
When people are led to believe that their way of being is harmful, destructive, or even dangerous, they become inclined to abandon their views in favour of a new set of ideals.4 Shame can be a powerful tool to achieve this end. When cultivated by a controlling person or system, it becomes a weapon that fosters a sense of unworthiness and unacceptance which, in turn, can render people vulnerable to control and abusive authority. Offering a way out of that shame—a path for redemption and affirmation by accepting new beliefs or behaviours—then becomes very alluring.5
This can take on a few different forms in patriarchal communities, like vilifying working mothers because “a woman’s highest calling is motherhood,” or scolding women who demonstrate gifts like preaching or leadership.6 If virtue is attained through narrow and rigidly defined roles, someone’s personhood is only welcomed as far as they fit those roles. Complementarianism can cultivate shame in women by spiritualizing male control over women and rejecting those who push back against it. Women who step outside of their roles are framed as “dangerous spiritual threats to godly male leadership and community.” This devalues the imago Dei (image of God) of women who do not fit within the framework of so-called “biblical womanhood.”
Undermining Autonomy
Having autonomy refers to having the ability to make choices and decisions about one’s own life, free from coercion. In high-control groups, a strong sense of group identity and roles is reinforced, and members are differentiated from “others” who are outside the group. There are rigid rules for behaviour, relationships, ideals, even dress. All actions and decisions are evaluated in relation to how closely they represent the ideals of the group. These rules are both a mechanism of control and evidence of a member’s compliance to the group.7
In broader patriarchal culture, women are often taught that their voices, feelings, and choices are secondary to those of the men in their lives.8 This same message is then spiritualized in many complementarian churches by emphasizing that wives are “submissive helpers” to their husbands. Women’s emotions and actions are then evaluated through this lens. The normalization and spiritualization of female submission and male authority over women leaves many women without support when dealing with abusive partners or systems of control.9 In a system where women have been conditioned to mistrust their thoughts and rely on external male authority to make decisions, they do not have full autonomy to discern what is in their own best interest.10
Suppressing Critical Thinking Through Loaded Language and Self-Doubt
There is a basic psychological drive to be a part of a community and have a sense of belonging.11 High-control groups exploit this need and leverage it to manipulate members to conform. People in high-control groups find that their independent thought is slowly replaced with the group-approved ideology as they seek to “fit in.” Language is manipulated as a foundational tool of control and used to shape members’ reality, suppressing their critical thinking. “Insider” language and group-specific jargon facilitates this process of integrating the group doctrine and increasing its isolation from larger society.12 Using loaded language that is moralistic, emotionally charged, and binary signals to other members a sense of membership, commitment, and congruence.13 It also fosters members with a sense of superiority or exclusiveness. Admonitions to “crucify the flesh” or warnings such as “if you question me, you question God,” also serve to shut down valid concerns and halt critical thinking.14 High-control groups can also reflect black-and-white thinking and oversimplified answers to complex issues. These formulaic answers can feel safe and comforting compared to the complicated realities of life.15 Many who find themselves drawn to these communities express a sense of relief in “knowing the answers” or, at the very least, being able to just follow the directions and beliefs of the group.
Doubts, fears, and other ideas, then, begin to feel unsafe, even threatening or hostile. This level of psychological control becomes self-perpetuating when internalized over time. External pressure or influence becomes unnecessary as members take up self-policing, pre-emptively dismissing questions to minimize psychological discomfort and maintain their sense of belonging within the group.16 As a result, any nagging sense that “something’s not quite right” is shut down and ignored.
Complementarian theology often frames women’s reliance on men as a safeguard or a kind of protection. Some go so far as to teach that women are more easily deceived, and as such, are unreliable interpreters of Scripture in need of male oversight and guidance. The message is that women should not think or question but simply trust the men in authority over them. Naturally, this prevents them from developing confidence in their own critical thinking and personal judgement.
The Use of Fear
Fear is a trademark tool of cults and high-control groups. When people feel uncertain or fearful, they often look to others for information on how to act and respond.17 The “us vs. them,” “safe in here vs. unsafe out there” mentality builds in-group cohesion and trust while simultaneously stoking fear about people or ideologies that are different. Cultivating fear allows the leader to maintain control over the group as members become increasingly pliable and susceptible to manipulation.18 All issues are framed as high-stakes issues with terrifying implications if the group ideology is not followed to the letter.19 When a person feels that so much is in jeopardy, they can easily justify controlling behaviours and look past concerns of harm in order to achieve a much higher (even spiritual) purpose. Experiencing on-going fear is destabilizing; conformity and dependence on the leader or ideology become the only path to safety and stability. Women in strict patriarchal contexts are taught to fear independence and autonomy as sin against both their husbands and God. Framing patriarchal theology as the “divine plan” or the “proper created order” makes equality and independence frightening departures from God’s will.20
Conditioning Compliance
High-control groups also use rewards and punishments to condition compliance. In religious settings, rewards could be special access or proximity to the leader or being praised from the pulpit, while punishments could include being kept from the Lord’s table or congregants being instructed not to fellowship with the member until they “repent.” This manipulation of a person’s relationships and behaviour makes them think that when things go badly, they are at fault. This false, intentionally constructed reality leaves its victims anxious, confused, unsure of what to expect, and always striving to avoid punishment. Whenever they receive a scrap of validation or approval, it feels intense, addictive, and powerful. Over time, they become slowly conditioned to make choices centred around gaining favour and avoiding punitive retaliation.21
Cults and high-control communities prioritize their external reputation over the wellbeing of those in the group.22 Compliance and conformity are valued above all else, and anyone who voices criticism or reveals a problem then becomes the problem. This coded tactic of intimidation has a clear message: “Do not ask questions. Do not criticize those in authority or there will be a price to pay.”23 High-control groups and ideologies “can never be wrong,” so any struggle or harm experienced as result of the belief system are blamed on the individual.24
The cumulative impacts of these tactics are deeply harmful to the psychological and cognitive processes that act as safeguards. When we are whole and healthy, autonomy, critical thinking, and self-trust allow us to critically evaluate issues and make conscious choices about what we accept or reject. Systematically breaking them down leaves us vulnerable to control and abuse. High-control groups intentionally teach us what to think, rather than how to think, discouraging dissent and questioning to incentivize group compliance. The conditioned group behaviour has the effect of normalizing the group’s ideology and framing any kind of resistance, harm, or doubt as being a problem within the individual, not the ideology.25 This makes it hard to pinpoint harmful or distorted beliefs and teachings. If we struggle to identify destructive teachings and blame ourselves for any struggles, then we are likely to strive even more to internalize and adopt the group ideology, believing it holds the growth, healing, and answers we need.
By exploring coercive persuasion, we not only understand how to identify and protect ourselves from cults and high-control groups, but we can also empower others to seek out and help build communities that honour our full humanity. All people—including women—deserve more than systems that demand their compliance and unquestioning sacrifice. Our faith communities should protect our autonomy and personhood, not undermine them. We should be free to express our doubts, our questions, and our feelings without risking our belonging. Healthy faith communities will strive to recognize the God-given value in each person, not weaponize fear and shame to control. Safe communities welcome us for all that we are, not for how well we conform. Our faith communities should not centre around hierarchy and authoritarian leadership, but instead welcome nuance, critical thinking, and curiosity. Christian communities, and especially their leaders, should exemplify the fruits of the Spirit for the benefit and growth of all.26 Every person deserves to have a faith journey that is free from coercion, abuse, and manipulation.
Notes
Margaret Thaler Singer, Cults in our Midst: The Continuing Fight Against their Hidden Menace (Jossey-Bass, 2003), 52–54.
Robert H. Gass and John S. Seiter, Persuasion: Social Influence and Compliance Gaining (New York: Routledge, 2022). Coercive persuasion can look like people or systems abusing power and authority through fear, threats, and psychological pressure to manipulate conformity to beliefs and behaviour.
Complementarianism is the theological view that women and men were created to complement each other via different, specific roles and responsibilities in marriage, family life, religious leadership, wherein men are endowed with authority and leadership and women called to support and follow. “The Danvers Statement,” Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.
Gass and Seiter, Persuasion: Social Influence and Compliance Gaining. 417–420.
Robert Jay Lifton, Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism: A Study of Brainwashing in China (Connecticut: Martino Fine Books, 2014).
A particularly clear example of this is when Pastor John MacArthur, as a panelist at a conference, was asked to share a brief thought on Beth Moore. “Go home,” was his response which was met with laughter, cheers, and applause by the audience. He later expanded on his thoughts during his Sunday message, calling her a “disgrace” and describing her preaching as “flagrant disobedience.” He went further in his denunciation of Moore, explaining that “empowering women makes weak men” and “weak men make everybody vulnerable to danger.” Klett and Editor, “John MacArthur Clarifies Views on Beth Moore, Women Preachers.”
Steven Hassan’s BITE model describes a wide spectrum of behaviour, information, thought, and emotion control demanded in high control groups. See https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/bite-model-pdf-download/.
Miranda Fricker, Epistemic Injustice: Power & the Ethics of Knowing (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2009).
Victims of coercive control and domestic abuse undergo a similar process as victims within cults. Abusive relationships function as a “cult of one,” with the abuser establishing an “ideology” of allowed beliefs, thoughts, and behaviours and punishments for offenders.
For example, a young woman has been taught to believe that the only biblical path for her is marriage and motherhood; all the women in her community are married mothers while women who work are shamed and shunned. Does she truly have a free choice when one path will jeopardize her belonging in her family and faith community or threaten her sense of identity? American sociologist and cult scholar Janja Lalich refers to this as a “bounded choice” when individuals trapped in high control systems appear to be making free choices, but in reality, those choices are severely constrained by the system they’re in. Outwardly, they may make decisions, but psychologically, their beliefs, fears, and acceptable actions are tightly coerced by the group’s ideology. Lalich, Bounded Choice: True Believers and Charismatic Cults., 15.
Singer, Cults in Our Midst: The Continuing Fight against Their Hidden Menace. 17–21.
For an engaging, accessible exploration of how language is used as a tool of control, see Amanda Montell’s Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism: Understanding the Social Science of Cult Influence (New York: Harper, 2021).
Steven Hassan, Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Beliefs (Northampton: Freedom of Mind Press, 2012).
Hassan, Freedom of Mind.
Singer, Cults in Our Midst.
Jess Hill, See What You Made Me Do: The Dangers of Domestic Abuse That We Ignore, Explain Away and Refuse to See (Naperville: Sourcebooks, 2020).
Robert B. Cialdini, Influence, New and Expanded: The Psychology of Persuasion (New York: Harper Business, 2021).
Hassan, Freedom of Mind.
A stark example is the Danvers Statement by The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood which describes how not living out their picture of biblical marriage, with male headship and female submission, will lead to the destruction of family and the degeneration of society. Pastor John MacArthur’s response to Beth Moore also exemplifies this use of fear and high stakes. https://www.christianpost.com/news/john-macarthur-clarifies-views-on-beth-moore-women-preachers-empowering-women-makes-weak-men.html.
In her book, popular author and counsellor, Martha Peace, uses fear to control audiences of wives: “God will do what He has to do to turn you from your rebellion to humble submission to your husband. Those consequences are painful, embarrassing, and very difficult to endure.” Martha Peace, The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective (Newburyport: Focus Publishing, 1999).
Evan Stark, Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2009).
Lifton, Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism.
A wife sharing with the pastor that she feels beaten down by her husband’s harsh demands is shamed and told that “love covers a multitude of sins,” and the problem is her lack of submission. Instead of addressing a valid concern, she is identified as the problem.
Lifton, Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism: A Study of “Brainwashing” in China. See Lifton’s 8 Criteria for thought reform, specifically Doctrine Over Person. The criteria of Doctrine over Person refers to how members’ personal experiences are subordinate to the “sacred science” (ideology). Members must reinterpret or deny any contrary or negative experiences to fit the group ideology. For example, telling yourself that it was actually your own lack of faith that caused your suffering. Any harm experienced could not be a natural consequence or product of adopting the group beliefs.
Cialdini, Influence, New and Expanded. See Cialdini’s principle of “social proof”.
Galatians 5:22–23.