Why Mothers Matter as much as Fathers in Shaping our Perception of God

At a recent church conference, I steeled myself as the keynote speaker launched into a message on a topic I’d heard numerous times—the “father heart of God.” As I expected, the speaker addressed those whose perception of God has been damaged by the negative impact of their earthly father, offering an invitation to find healing and gain a fresh perspective of our heavenly Father.

It’s true that God’s role as our spiritual father is important to understand. The message is not flawed, but it is incomplete. I’ve found that most who address the “father heart of God” might briefly mention the possible impact of mothers in our perception of God, but only as an aside, at best. To his credit, this speaker did note that a perception of God as male has led to the abuse of women on some level. But his comment seemed a mere drop in the bucket toward a balanced understanding of God, gender, and the emotional and spiritual effects that both parents’ actions on their children.

While it’s true many people do need healing from father wounds, we’re missing fully half the equation when we leave mothers out of the picture. God ordained families to ensure children are begotten and raised by both image-bearers—male and female. Do we really believe it is only fathers who wound their children deeply, or who build their children’s healthy self-esteem? Do we honestly think the way a mother interacts with her growing children in their formative years has nothing to do with how they see God later in life?

These questions seem especially ironic in light of the way complementarian theology stresses the importance of a woman’s role as wife and mother. The mixed message presented goes something like this: Your highest calling as a woman is following your husband’s lead, taking care of the home, and raising children. However, your children’s view of God will be shaped entirely by their father—so your tireless devotion to these tasks is of little significance in the end.

Knock yourself out, Mom—but you still won’t count. Sorry, it’s all about Dad.

Is this what God has to say about women? Does God call female humans image-bearers, but actually see us as less than? Does God confine us to domestic duties, sugarcoat them as our “high calling,” then negate our restricted contributions as being of no consequence?

Consider the nature of God. As difficult as it is for us to comprehend a God who is both transcendent and imminent, we must remind ourselves that God is Spirit. Paul writes, “The Lord is the Spirit, and where the Lord’s Spirit is, there is freedom” (2 Cor. 3:17). In the Gospel of John, Jesus informs the woman at the well, “God is spirit, and it is necessary to worship God in spirit and truth” (John 4:24). But in order to worship God in spirit and truth, we need a paradigm shift concerning the nature of God. Because God transcends gender, the way God expresses the desire for close relationship with us cannot be restricted to the metaphor of a human father with his children.

 Any discussion of the “father heart of God” which omits the mothering aspect of God’s heart misrepresents what God is like and how God wishes to relate to us. First, comparing and likening God to a human male ignores God’s transcendence.

In Scripture, God is not always anthropomorphized as male. God promises to show more attachment compassion than a nursing mother (Is. 49:15–16). God consoles the way a mother consoles a child who nurses at her breast, is carried at her side, and plays on her knees (Is. 66:12–13). In a fiercer vein, God is self-described as a bear robbed of her cubs or a lioness ready to devour (Hos. 13:8).

Second, if only father metaphors are used for God, what message does this send to women? Lip service to the equal worth and dignity of women is all well and good, but when we negate their impact as parents by speaking only of how fathers shape children’s perception of God, we devalue women and imply they are not created in God’s image the way men are.

Third, when we see God only as a father, we forfeit a valuable truth which may be indispensable for our healing. Many of us—both male and female—were most significantly wounded by our mothers and need to hear a healing message about the mother heart of God. Years ago, a troubled young boy attended our church. His father lovingly raised him, but his heroin-addicted mother had abandoned him when he was two months old. This boy carried a palpable disdain and distrust for women—but beyond that, his mother’s abandonment had shattered his trust in God. It is not only fathers who distort their children’s view of God.

Finally, we deny and dismiss the major, character-shaping influence mothers have on their children. If we are to accurately weigh the impact our mothers have had in our lives, for better or worse, we must grasp that they, too, shaped our perception of our heavenly Father/Mother. As I studied for a sermon on the life of David a couple of years ago, a pattern in the Old Testament with regard to kings caught my attention. Again and again, the biblical writer mentions the name of a king’s mother, then describes the character of the king as either good or evil. The writer is making a point: The mothers who raised Old Testament kings carried powerful influence in their lives, one way or the other.

In another example, when commending a mother (and grandmother) whose impact was positive, Paul writes to his protégé Timothy:

I recall your sincere faith that first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and now, I am convinced, is in you also. . . . You know those who taught you, and you know that from infancy you have known the sacred Scriptures, which are able to give you wisdom for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. (2 Tim. 1:5; 3:14b–15)

Timothy’s mother and grandmother, not Timothy’s father, had instilled in him a deeply rooted knowledge of the word of God and of faith, which prepared him for his future calling as a key player in the early church and Paul’s spiritual son.

Another positive example of a mother’s influence is seen in the highly favored, devoted Mary, who played a one-and-only role in the spiritual formation of the Messiah. She stands as the supreme example of what a mother can accomplish with God’s help.

Just as it’s not only fathers who wound sons or daughters, these examples demonstrate it’s also not only fathers who make a profoundly positive impact on children. We must stop believing an unspoken lie about God and grasp the truth instead: God is not a single dad.

We are not spiritual half-orphans, bereft of the tender compassion, nurturing, and fiercely protective care a mother provides. God is our Father/Mother, who possesses every positive trait we think of as fatherly or motherly. God heals every soul wound—no matter which parent did the damage.

Correcting the omission of the mothering side of God’s nature helps both women and men on multiple fronts. Once we have a better grasp of God’s transcendence, we can worship God in spirit and truth. We can honestly live out the conviction women are created in the image of God just as men. We can diagnose our spiritual and emotional traumas more accurately.

According to the fifth commandment, mothers matter just as much as fathers in God’s eyes: “Honor your father and your mother so that you may have a long life in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Ex. 20:12). Let’s shift the paradigm. Let’s truly honor mothers, offering them the weighty consideration they deserve for the impact they have on their children. And let’s worship, in spirit and truth, the God who transcends gender.

Photo by Pixabay.

Related Resources

Popular Articles