This Is Really Happening
“I prefer a man to share Scripture with the congregation.”
I was startled by the admission. Was the worship leader serious?
I could not believe what I’d just heard. Normally, I would have a ready reply to such a statement, but words escaped me. We were almost finished with the pre-service worship practice, and the worship leader had just asked for someone to read a passage before the last song of that morning’s setlist. Before I could volunteer, the worship leader made his proclamation.
Women had read Scripture plenty of times before the Sunday in question, opening the worship service with words of welcome and encouragement, but it had been years since a woman prayed publicly during a Sunday morning worship service. In my denomination, women are not allowed to be pastors, and I never questioned the hierarchy very much. I’ve read the specific Scriptures, as well as varying interpretations, of how women are to serve in a church. I’ve also read Scripture describing the contributions of women in the early church, women like Priscilla, Phoebe, and Junia. Each was entrusted with significant leadership responsibilities, including teaching. However, I know that my personal beliefs are up against a litany of well-entrenched traditions.
In fact, there are no other churches in my small town that are of my preferred denomination where women are accepted as equals in all facets of worship and service. Women do not teach men or mixed-gender[1] groups. The only leadership opportunities afforded to women are that of a children’s director, youth director, or music director; in the case of a music director, it’s typically only to fill in during a time when the search committee is looking for “God’s man” to do the job. “Director” is almost always the term used when applied to women in a leadership capacity, never “pastor,” “minister,” or even “leader.”
But this comment was out of the blue. I had known the worship leader for a few years, ever since they were invited to sing with the team by the previous worship leader. There was not much to indicate that they held anything toward women beyond my denomination’s usual beliefs, which does not exclude women from reading the Bible aloud during worship services. On the particular Sunday, the worship leader was also slated to be installed as one of the first-ever elders at the church—one of three men who would receive the title.
Questions
The two other women on the worship team and I glanced at each other. I could not read their expressions, but I felt a sense of shame settle upon us. We all looked down at the carpet on the stage, while the only other singer, a male, read the requested Scripture. Practice concluded, and I went to my car, hiding my tears. I didn’t have any intention of leaving my church. Leading worship is one of the most fulfilling ways I have found to serve the Lord, and many of the lyrics of worship songs are taken directly from Scripture. Scripture is the living Word of God, and what better way to impress it on our hearts and minds than through a beautiful melody of a song?
If I’m not allowed to read Scripture in church, can I sing it?
After that comment, I didn’t feel allowed or worthy to sing Scripture at the time, but I resolved to finish my commitment to the worship team on that Sunday. To do so, I needed some anxiety medication. I’ve battled anxiety for years and had been struggling with some especially terrible anxiety for the two months prior to that Sunday. What my church family didn’t know is that I was scheduled to have an excision of a suspicious spot in one of my breasts the very next day. Medical issues are rarely solved in a short period of time—there are tests and appointments, and the waiting can be agony. I had requested prayer from the worship team a few weeks prior, during one of the midweek practice sessions, but I had not given the specifics of what I was going through.
And now, I thought, how could I give any kind of details or expect any kind of empathy from someone who didn’t even value that I, as a woman, might not be worthy enough to read Scripture during a worship service? Was the worship leader’s attitude a result of their new elder position? Or were they carrying out the wishes of the pastor?
A Shift in Attitude
Early Monday morning, after my final worship service, I arrived at the hospital and was checked in for my procedure. The usual questions with the pre-op nurse included inquiries regarding what medication I took and when. I was honest as I described a bit of the situation. Her empathy was almost tangible, and she spoke to me gently while sharing a little about herself. “You know,” she said, “you can always visit another church. I was raised in a different denomination, but I go to another church now. I really like it. It won’t hurt to visit other churches.”
Her response was encouraging and made the most sense. There had been several changes in my home church—the same one in which generations of my family had faithfully served; the same one where I felt the draw of the Holy Spirit and was saved; the same one where I was baptized. I had mowed the church cemetery along with the other youth to earn money to go to summer camp. I had led the children’s choir, worked in children’s church, and served at Vacation Bible School.
But a shift in leadership, changes because of the COVID-19 pandemic, and a different theological focus all created an environment where I felt like an outsider. My husband was of the same mind. He had also been quite active in our church community, serving in a variety of leadership capacities, but he too had witnessed situations which made him question if God wanted him to continue to serve there, or seek another church.
The Willingness to Change
Some would say that my experience with a patriarchal attitude was a minor hurt. After all, what are all believers told to do? Don’t be prideful (Prov. 16:18). Submit to your leaders (Heb. 13:7). Be content in all things (1 Tim. 6:6–7). Turn the other cheek (Matt. 5:38–40). However, the comment was the push that I needed to begin visiting other churches. I have not returned to my home church. I don’t know if I will ever return, but I don’t want to close any doors that God would prefer to remain open.
However, I am hopeful. I hope that my husband and I will find a church where we can be unified with other believers. The church we are currently visiting is the same denomination as our home church. However, most of the morning worship services we have attended thus far have been opened by a woman, the church’s children’s director. She not only gives the announcements, but also reads Scripture, and leads corporate prayer.
The Final Say
I am hopeful that God is working on the worship leader’s heart. The one thing that has given me some peace in this entire painful episode is that, on the same morning as the infamous comment, a female church member who served on a mission team gave a report of the team’s activities. Part of her presentation included a reading from Scripture:
“For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me
something to drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me in. I needed clothes, and you
clothed me. I was sick, and you looked after me. I was in prison, and you came to visit
me.” (Matt. 25:35–36)
God had the final say that morning on who was worthy to share Scripture with the congregation. I had the opportunity to tell this woman exactly what her words had meant to me and why they were so powerful on that Sunday, but I have not shared with the pastor and with the worship leader all the reasons for my departure. I’m afraid it would only turn into a theological argument.
The suspicious spot ended up being a ductal carcinoma in-situ (DCIS), Stage 0 breast cancer. Genetic testing indicated no mutations, but due to a strong family history of breast and ovarian cancer, I made the decision to have a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction, from which I have recovered. I am thankful that I need no other treatment. Members of my home church have reached out with prayers and well wishes, and several have also empathized with my need to find another church home. The only reason I’ve given for my and my husband’s absence is that we are seeking a place where we can serve more fully.
I wish I could tell them all the core truth of the matter. Maybe someday I will, with God’s help. Right now, the most important thing is following God’s call to serve him faithfully.
It’s okay to find another church home to make that happen.
1 In this article, mixed-gender groups are defined as groups made up of women and men.
Photo by Samuel Costa Melo on Unsplash
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