Welcome to CBE’s Library

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Single or married, baby-less or breastfeeding, men or women, we have a chance to be part of something that will last forever—the church.

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Being a single adult during a global pandemic has been a very lonely experience. But in some ways, it has offered me an incredible gift—although it’s not the gift that most people assume.

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It is crucial that we women who don’t fit into the church’s too-neat “happily ever after” narrative share our stories. Because God sees our struggles and the church should too.

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Recently, I was invited to participate in a panel on singleness at a Christian conference. I shared my experience as a single woman pastor and how single clergy can feel isolated in a church culture where marriage is the default. It was the first time since university that I had an honest, direct, public conversation about singleness in the church. 

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No one says the word “failure” out loud, of course. No one would dare. But when marriage is the ideal that everyone is working toward, anything that falls short feels like you did something wrong.

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Marriage has become an idol in the evangelical church in the US. What Paul saw as an inconvenience, the church today sees as a necessity. Complementarian theology implies that women can only follow God by following their husbands. But over half of the American population can't relate to this. That's because a little over 50% of women are unmarried!

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Marriage isn't my ultimate goal in life, nor is it my highest way of honoring God. I am not less of a person because I am single, because I am smart, or because I am a leader.  

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When I view my singleness as a situation, I can "give thanks in all circumstances." But when it becomes an identity, shame creeps in. I think of my worth in terms of supply and demand. Meditate with me on how God's love changes everything.

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As a single Christian woman in leadership, I often find that people are curious about my marital status.

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