Should wives remain with abusive husbands?

Both 1 Peter 3, and Matthew 19: 3-9 (where Jesus explains that Moses only allowed divorce because of men’s hard-heartedness) have been used by churches to teach that there are no legitimate reasons for divorce, except for sexual infidelity. This teaching fails to understand the specific context of these verses and the overall arch of scripture. God is always working to bring people out of oppression and abuse, and into healthy, mutual relationship with himself, each other, and creation. When Jesus announced who he was and his mission in Luke 4:18, he quoted Isaiah (58:6 and 61:1). This was a grand announcement as it reiterates the work of God, who released Israel from captivity in Egypt and from exile in Babylon, and which culminates in Jesus’ announcement that God’s Kingdom has come. In this kingdom, captives are set free, the blind see, and the oppressed go free. In the case of abuse, this would look like:

Releasing the Captives: Most abused spouses (usually women, though men can also be victims of abuse) and children are captives of an abusive partner or parent who fear for their safety but need freedom from abusers. Sadly, churches have a reputation of supporting the abuser and prohibiting release for the captive family.

Recovery of Sight to the Blind: Because both spouses and churches are assumed to be loving and safe, mistreatment by a partner or faith community is confusing to victims and may blind them to what is happening to themselves and their children. Often, the journey of sorting out the conflicting messages can be long and painful, but God is on the side of the vulnerable.

Let the Oppressed Go Free: There are no conditions that an abused person must meet to go free. The Old Testament is filled with examples of God’s concern for the oppressed. The Law made provision for those who are mistreated, and the prophets’ harshest words were for those who abused others.

WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE SAYS…
ON THE MEANING AND CONTEXT OF…
SARAH’S SUBMISSION
WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE SAYS…

What to Say When Someone Says that Wives Should Stay with Abusive Husbands

Editor’s Note: This article is one of a nine-part series on difficult Bible passages titled “What to Say…” 1 Peter 3 is a tricky passage. It’s often been twisted to pressure abused women to stay with their husbands as a sign of submission. But this passage is not meant to subject women to fear or violence.