I’m not sure how to put my journey into words. I have felt alone many times, and I know I haven’t reached my destination. My journey began early. My mother and grandmother were my spiritual leaders, not because a man was lacking, but because they were gifted. I also had known strong Christian women who led in my church or at summer camps. But I remember a verse of Scripture that didn’t make sense to me: “Women should remain silent in churches.” What? Maybe I read it wrong . . .

As I grew spiritually, I felt a strong calling toward ministry. But the verses I discovered years earlier were unsettling. I could ignore them until I entered a Southern Baptist college to major in religion. For the first time, I was told directly that as a woman, I had limits in ministry.

I met Marcus, my husband, in college. We didn’t know about the idea of mutual submission early in our marriage, but we did know that male and female “roles” did not make sense to us. We did what needed to be done, made decisions together, and worked as equal partners. However, our pre-marital counseling, home churches, and Bible studies all told us differently: “Wives need love. Men need respect and submission from their wives.”

Soon after we married, I interviewed to be Youth and Children’s Minister at a local church. Unfortunately, I think they wanted a babysitter. When I implemented real discipleship programs for the kids, I went from Youth Minister to Youth Leader. I wasn’t allowed to speak in worship and had to beg for announcement time. Though the youth programs grew leaps and bounds, I had to justify my position (in writing, since I wasn’t allowed in the meetings) to the deacon board every few months.

It still wasn’t enough. In the four-year church plan, the elders announced that the youth position would change to Pastor of Family Ministries and his responsibilities would be… I knew my presence offended some, but this affected more than just me: my husband, families that supported my ministry, and the teenagers who saw gender discrimination, perhaps for the first time. I loved those youth. How could this happen?

I had enough of feeling like a second-class citizen. We left the church and the denomination to which we belonged our whole lives. Marcus and I were again on the journey. About a year ago, our new church motivated me to re-read the Scriptures I had always questioned. I felt lied to, betrayed. Broken. My anger turned to tears. The Bible seemed like one big contradiction to me. I needed answers. There had to be women like me struggling with these issues. I dusted off a copy of Women in the Church by Stanley Grenz I had received years before. Not far into it, I learned about CBE. Scouring the Web site, I found what I had been waiting for: resources, community, hope.

I had to experience inequity before I could appreciate true freedom in Christ. I have CBE to thank! Now, partnering with CBE brings me joy, knowing that I am a part of bringing the message of the gospel and biblical equality to many people. My journey continues, and I can’t guess where it will lead me next. But this time, I’m not alone!