Author Lee Grady Tells Truth About ‘10 Lies’

     J. Lee Grady, author of “Ten Lies the Church Tells Women,” has been lauded for using a conversational, direct style to communicate biblical equality in a way anyone can understand. But this was a book he didn’t plan to write. 

     “I [asked] a particular woman that I respect if she would write the definitive article answering critics’ questions about women in ministry,” said Grady, the editor of Charisma magazine. “She basically said, ‘I’m tired of defending myself.’”

     The woman’s refusal to write the article prompted Grady to study the issue himself. He said he felt the Holy Spirit saying to him, “Why don’t you defend the women? And why don’t you step up and answer the critics?”

     With that challenge in mind, Grady began a year-long study of women in ministry, immersing himself in the available material. As he encountered resources by authors like Catherine Kroeger and Catherine Booth, Grady said he felt like he “stumbled into this rich heritage of scholarship that had already been pioneered.”

     Grady’s vision was to take the scholarship and make it accessible to the common person. His first attempt to communicate the message was an article called “Ten Lies the Church Tells Women,” published in SpiritLed Woman. When he wrote the article, he realized that there was too much material to cover in one short piece, so he decided to write a book. Only four or five months later, Grady finished it.

     “I sensed there was a real urgency about it,” Grady said. “We need to mobilize the church for missions, for church planting [and] for evangelism. We don’t have any time to waste.” 

Mixed Reviews Prompt Further Study

     Since “Ten Lies” was published in November 2000, Grady has been encouraged to see that his book is making a difference in many lives. He’s also heard from people who are cheering him on because they want the information spread more broadly.

     Not all responses, however, were positive. Grady said he was braced for the negative reaction. He previously encountered similar negativity when being interviewed on call-in radio programs, when callers would suggest that women shouldn’t have the right to vote or participate in church in any way.

     Instead of being frustrated by the negative reaction, Grady said the criticism and questions force him to stay on his toes. As he teaches on this topic at conferences and seminars, he is sometimes not satisfied with the answers he gives to questions posed by the attendees. 

     “I have to make sure I am handling the Word of God accurately,” Grady said. “It has forced me to continue to study, continue to read, continue to make sure that I’m articulating this message properly.”

     As Grady has continued to study, he has discovered ideas that he doesn’t feel like he explored enough in his book. He is looking at issuing a revised version with a question and answer section at the back (based on the questions he receives at conferences), or else writing a second book to develop the ideas further.

     One of the ideas Grady wants to continue exploring is male headship. “I dealt with that in a small way in my book,” he said, “but I feel like that’s an area that I need to dig down deeper and answer some of the prickly questions that come up.” 

Equality in the Family

     In his own life, Grady had an understanding of egalitarian marriage that he describes as “instinctive,” even though he was raised in traditional, Southern Baptist churches that taught a complimentary view of marriage.

     “[My wife and I] were always skeptical of that [view],” said Grady. “When we began to be exposed to egalitarian books and messages, we knew that’s what we believed.” 

     Grady’s inclination toward an equal partnership is due, in part, to the example provided by his parents’ marriage.

     “My parents were not taught egalitarian principles, [but] they figured out that that was the way it had to be,” said Grady. “Even though we were a traditional Southern family, my dad was not the kind of guy who threw his weight around or demanded obedience.” 

     With his wife Deborah, Grady is intentional in sharing his understanding of equality with his four daughters, ages 15, 14, 12 and 9. He encourages them to pursue their callings, and he respects their individuality.

     “They hear me say things like, ‘Maybe you’ll be a pastor,’ or ‘Do you want to be in youth ministry?’” he said. “They know I believe they have a calling, and if they get married, their calling is still their calling.”

     In fact, Grady said that because of his daughters’ upbringing, they can’t imagine it any other way.

     “When they hear me describe the way some churches view women, they’re horrified,” he said. “They can’t believe it’s out there.” 

Healing Before Preaching

     Many people, however, are all too aware of the negative ways women are viewed by churches. When those struggling in a restrictive church seek advice from Grady, he encourages them not to start a revolt. “When you get a hold of the principles that we know are true, that still doesn’t give us the license to overthrow church authority,” he said.

     Some people, Grady believes, might be called to stay and influence their church from within. Others, however, might be directed by God to leave the church. Grady emphasizes that everyone is in a unique situation, and must ask God where he or she can be most effective.

     To church leaders, Grady stresses the importance of studying the issue, as he says it will not go away. 

     “A lot of church leaders would like to think that this is some kind of a peripheral doctrine, but it is a major issue,” Grady said. “Don’t sweep it under the rug; don’t ignore it; don’t act like it’s not there.”

     But to church leaders who affirm equality, Grady offers a warning about how they share the message. He’s noticed that some people appear to be grinding an ax while promoting equality, and this undercurrent of bitterness can pollute the message. 

     “Anytime I hear a woman or a man affirming women in ministry, it’s got to come out of a humble spirit and out of a heart for God and for people, and not out of a wrong spirit,” he said. “We’re not encouraging people to be rebels, to be harsh, [or] to be vindictive, because if we do that it’s only going to set back the cause.”

     In order to help people communicate biblical equality without a bitter spirit, Grady encourages church leaders to help hurting people receive healing. 

     “If they’ve been beaten down by the church, or even worse, if they have been abused and they’re coming to the Lord with all of this brokenness and hurt and shame,” Grady said, “they have got to find healing before they go out and preach this message.”

     To facilitate healing when he speaks to women’s groups, Grady asks men in the audience to join him in kneeling down in front of the women to repent for the way men have treated them. Many women begin to cry and come forward to pray.

     “When I preach about what the church tells women, I’m not just saying, ‘They, they, they,’” Grady said. “I’m saying, ‘Because I’m a man I identify with the men who have hurt you or abused you.’ And there’s a healing that happens when you do that.” 

     The healing is important, Grady says, because it allows people to share the message of equality without the angry and bitter spirit that is often associated with the secular feminist movement. 

     “There is healing and there is forgiveness and there is deliverance and restoration to everyone who’s gone through this, and I think that’s part of our mission to heal them,” Grady said. “Then when they preach the message, it comes out in the right attitude.”

By Joanne Nystrom Janssen